Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
