So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she pinky promised me she was 18
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
