she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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