dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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