imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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