Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
