woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
