Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
