New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
