So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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