He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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