You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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