we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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