You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
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She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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