I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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