They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
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And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
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We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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