Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
