So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
