I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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