Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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