Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
