I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
