So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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