They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
