He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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