just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
