It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
