From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Found the puke drawer
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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