After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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