one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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