Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
