sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
