Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
