So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
