Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
