We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
