I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
