Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
