Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
