I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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