I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
