I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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