Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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