If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
In America we eat man semen.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
