Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
