and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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