Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
