love makes seman taste better
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
