Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize