And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
