I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
