3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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