I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
