The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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