Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm getting married
To pizza
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
