it wasn't lemon gatorade
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Drunk is a universal language darling
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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