hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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