If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
it's like iHOP with fire
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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