Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
