All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
