i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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