dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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