I wish I could teleport
Jerry, you need to find god
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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