All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
