I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
