Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
