THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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