thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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