Swine flu. Run for my life!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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