How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize