do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
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It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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