we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
