we have officially lost it.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
