Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
