You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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