Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
