halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
