Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
