I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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