not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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