Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
