My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
