do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
