I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Four minutes until I can fart!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
