I am spending my child support on dildos
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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