..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
