Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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