I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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