Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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