In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
