I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
