I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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